Hi. My name is Allison Huford and I live on 10234 Coercion Street, Ripeville OH. My ZIP is 40628 if you need it. I am 14 and a half and am very kid-nappable.
Please take me away from this fucking God-forsaken dump I swear to God or whatever's up there. Maybe Kero. Please, these tall-ass 6-foot primates are making me
go to this prison with a bunch of tiny versions of themselves where they get brainwashed and it's fucking weird. My UFO code is -+`8Ibvcd_Twelve. My coordinates are
41.4993° N, 81.6944° W. I have four cats. They are all fluffy. As in they are all named "Fluffy" except James, who's retarded. Because he's weird.
James has a torture chamber in the basement for mice and I think I've seen a full person down there. I've been giving him giving him metal as a joke for his birthday
and he's been smelting it in the furnace to build elaborate saw-like traps. He's even got little gloves for his paws I swear. He promises he'll get my parental
figures next. I have avoided the basement for seven months and I haven't seen him come out. Oh God i'm so scared he'll get me next... don't tell him I have a site.
Anyways, please anyone except James go kidnap me. My coordinates are up there and all that.
Fluffy 1 has sock-paws and green eyes. I got Fluffy 2 because after he escaped the house
for a week I thought he had died, but then he came back with a bunch of marks on him. Fluffy 3 is there. Somewhere.
If you want to know if I have friends I have 20 young blondes and gingers, consisting mostly of minors much younger than me. We all hang out every hour of every week
so if you wanna bring a black bag and come hang out with my gal pals anytime come by well, anytime. We are all complacent and submissive, or else our IEP's would kill us.
James won't hurt you if you don't bother him, and he hasn't taken the flamethrower in the garage. Or the chainsaw. Or the katana, taser, hacksaw, etc etc..
They're for gardening, you know. But the garage is unlocked. Or if it isn't, there's a WW2 tank concealed by the crappy wooden shed in the back. Along with
a bunker with exactly 50 years worth of rations and inorganic meat. But the bunker's not important. Except if you use the tank or UFO to break me out I'll give
you the key to the bunker as a bonus, because why not.